We're having difficulties with the skin. Bare with us while we figure it out and use the temporary skin.
Id like to congratulate our members on reaching 2,000 posts!!!!

You are not connected. Please login or register

I want a chalkboard! Poetess's Roleplaying Class

Go down  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Poetess

Poetess
Kokiri
Kokiri
Hello ^^ Please leave your backpacks by the door. There will be no gum chewing!
I'd like you to sign in with this small paper to get started, whenever you're ready post it here.
Code:
[u]Application[/u]
[i][b]Username:[/b][/i]
[i][b]Character name:[/b][/i]
[i][b]Three to Five line sample of Random Post:[/b][/i]
[i][b]And a Random Thought of the Day:[/b][/i]

Example:
Application
Username: Poetess
Character name: Nicole Tristan Lenette
Three to Five line sample of Random Post: Nicole stared out the window deep in thought. She wondered what he was doing, if he was going to be okay. Why did countries go to war? They brought pain and hardship among all. Fighting was meaningless. (Doesn't have to be that detailed!! Don't sweat it)
And a Random Thought of the Day: Ooh. Christmas Time~!

Well, I don't think I forgot anything. *Hangs a "We're Open" sign on the door*


_________________
I want a chalkboard! Poetess's Roleplaying Class Blood
I made a blog! http://infamouspoetess.blogspot.com/
View user profile

Haagar212

Haagar212
ReDead
ReDead
Application:

Username: Haagar212

Character name: Tarok Blackthistle

Three to Five line sample of Random Post: I had let them get close to me and had not moved, letting the archer train his arrow. When I heard the twang of the bowstring, I sent out the wave of magical energy. The energy sent the arrow back and I manipulated it and sent it back to the archer, hopefully hitting him. I didn't have time to check, for I was locked in battle with one of the better swordsman, keeping me from using magic. I wondered where Roon was.

Random Thought of the day: This was a good idea. Mind if I steal it and put it in my Homeroom?


_________________
View user profile

Poetess

Poetess
Kokiri
Kokiri
Haagar: Accepted! And of course, you can take the application~

So now I'd like to make a few comments on your sample, if you don't mind. I'll dissect it by sentence.

"I had let them get close to me and had not moved, letting the archer train his arrow. " No problems with this one.

"When I heard the twang of the bowstring, I sent out the wave of magical energy." I'd like to be a grammar prick here. Why would it be 'the' wave instead of 'a' wave?

"The energy sent the arrow back and I manipulated it and sent it back to the archer, hopefully hitting him." I would've used returned it, instead of 'sent it back'. Something like: The energy sent the arrow back and I manipulated it, returning it to the archer, hopefully hitting him. Also that little comma would be nice.

"I didn't have time to check, for I was locked in battle with one of the better swordsman, keeping me from using magic. I wondered where Roon was." This one's pretty good.

Any questions? Tip of the Day: Be descriptive. Will elaborate later.


_________________
I want a chalkboard! Poetess's Roleplaying Class Blood
I made a blog! http://infamouspoetess.blogspot.com/
View user profile

Sponsored content


Back to top  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum